GIRLFRIEND AND BOYFRIEND

In Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. You are either married or you are not. This is what we have to ingrain into our children at the early stage. We should not wait for them to come to us when they are teenagers to ask about girlfriend-boyfriend relationship.

At this late stage, even if we forbid them to have such a relationship, how certain are we that they will obey us if they are smitten by someone?

Hence, it is important that we teach our children that the only time a girl or boy can have a relationship with a non-mahram ( someone whom they can marry) is when they are married. Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then, he or she is entering into a premarital relationship.

At the teenage level, we should not be shy to teach them the severity of premarital relationship. We need to make them understand that premarital relationships are like the extramarital relationships, or what is commonly known as 'an affair'. It may ruin the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families.

We can quote to them the examples of illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, abortions, sexual diseases - the list goes on. We should also point out to them the punishment for sexual relationships outside of marriage: Ibn Masoud (r.a.) related that Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

"The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community." [Bukhari and Muslim]

In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning to death. However, what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished. He or she is to be caned or whipped one hundred times. Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe.

The Prophet SAW saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire [Bukhari].

At this stage your teenage child may say that girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each others company. To counter this, you say that it is a fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because Shaitaan will be the third person with them, and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.

Another thing that we must teach them is to restrain their desires. We can do so by giving them examples of the rewards for doing so, such as the person who controls his lust will be among people who Allah SWT bestows mercy upon. Abu Hurairah (r.a.) narrated that Prophet Muhammad SAW said:

"Among the seven persons whom Allah SWT will shade in His Shade on the Day (of Judgment) when there is no shade except His Shade, is a man who is tempted by a beautiful woman and refuses to respond for fear of Allah." [Bukhari and Muslim]

We need to realize and to tell ourselves that there is only temporary satisfaction of the nafs in a premarital relationship. Parents should closely monitor the reading material which their children bring home and should teach their children about the beauty of nikaah. Besides a rosy picture of dating, these books also create wrong concepts of what the ideal partner should be. There is no stress on piety, good akhlaaq, honesty and all the other qualities people should be searching for in a potential marriage partner. It is a dire need to impart the Islamic way of life to them, than allowing them to acquire the totally wrong concept of love from books, television, movies, and their friends and environment.

It is important that we start teaching our children the need to feel modesty, especially around the opposite sex. Regarding shyness, we should use the Prophet SAW as an example. Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.) reported:

"Prophet SAW was more shy than a virgin in her own room." [Bukhari]

If we instill this into them at an early age then, InshaaAllah, whenever they are near the vicinity of the opposite sex, they will feel shy and, therefore, will not act inappropriately. It is also important that we keep the communication channels open with our children so that we can talk and explain to them things, and they can ask us questions, without any party feeling embarrassed. Then, when they are older, and with help from us, they will begin to understand why it is that there cannot be a thing called 'the girlfriend-boyfriend relationship'.

Courtesy of: Ibn Farooq